Author:Author unknown, Issue: October 1999, Topic: Humour

The Washington Post recently had a contest for readers in which they were asked to supply possible alternate meanings for various words. The following were some winning entries:

• Abdicate-v., to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
• Carcinoma-n., a valley in California, most notable for its heavy smog.
• Esplanade-v., to attempt an explanation while drunk. Willy-nilly-adj., impotent.
• Flabbergasted-adj., appalled over how much weight you have gained.
• Negligent-adj., a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
• Lymph-v., to walk with a lisp.
• Gargoyle-n., an olive-flavored mouthwash.
• Bustard-n., a very rude Metrobus driver.
• Coffee-n., a person who is coughed upon.
• Flatulence-n., the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
• Balderdash-n., a rapidly receding hairline.
• Testicle-n., a humorous question on an exam.
• Semantics-n., pranks conducted by young men studying for the priesthood, including such things as gluing the pages of the priest's prayer book together just before vespers.
• Rectitude-n., the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
• Marionettes-n., residents of Washington who have been jerked around by the mayor.
• Oyster-n., a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
• Circumvent-n., the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
• Frisbatarianism-n., Belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

<>*<> NEWS FLASH! . . . ALERT! <>*<>

This just in: Microsoft has delayed the release of Windows 2000. It will be released in 1901.

<< Construction on New Joban Line to Begin in Tsukuba This Year | Master Index | Telecommunications Confusion >>

Tsukuba Expo'85 Memorial Foundation

Alien Times Sponsors

The advertisements that appear on paper and online versions of The Alien Times do not necessarily represent the views of the Alien Times. The Alien Times takes no responsibility for any transactions that occur between advertisers and readers.

The authors of articles that appear in Alien Times reserve the right to copyright their work. Please DO NOT copy any articles that appear in Alien Times without first receiving permission from the author of the article (when known) or the Alien Times Editor.

Funded by the Tsukuba Expo'85 Memorial Foundation, Printed by Isebu