How do you get holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
What do fish say when they hit a concrete wall?
What do eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
What do you call santa's helpers?
What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand?
What do you get from a pampered cow?
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef.
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him.
Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers.
Why don't blind people like to sky dive?
Because it scares the hell out of the dog.
What kind of coffee was served on the titanic?
What is the difference between a harley and a hoover?
The location of the dirt bag.
Why does a pilgrim's pants always fall down?
Because they wear their belt buckle on their hat.
What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
A bad golfer goes whack, damn. A bad skydiver goes damn, whack.
The advertisements that appear on paper and online versions of The Alien Times do not necessarily represent the views of the Alien Times. The Alien Times takes no responsibility for any transactions that occur between advertisers and readers.
The authors of articles that appear in Alien Times reserve the right to copyright their work. Please DO NOT copy any articles that appear in Alien Times without first receiving permission from the author of the article (when known) or the Alien Times Editor.