The Washington Post recently published a contest for readers in which they were asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. The following were some of the winning entries:
Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach
Carcinoma (n.), a valley in California, notable for its heavy smog
Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk
Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent
Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained
Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightie
Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp
Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash
Bustard (n.), a very rude Metrobus driver
Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon
Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller
Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline
Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam
Semantics (n.), pranks conducted by young men studying for the priesthood, including such things as gluing the pages of the priest's prayer book together just before vespers
Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you
Marionettes (n.), residents of Washington, D.C. who have been jerked around by the mayor
Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions
Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts
Frisbatarianism (n.), the belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there
The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are some recent winners:
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the reader who doesn't get it
Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very high
Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of obtaining sex
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease
Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like a serious bummer.
Glibido: All talk and no action
Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
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