2017-11-25

Home (日本語)
About

Browse

+By article
+By author
+By issue
+By language
+By location
+By topic
+By year
+Photos
+Random article
+What links here
+Search

Sister Sites

+Mind the Gap
+Portable Alien
+TsukuBlog

Tsukuba Info

+City Hall
+Tsukuba Map
+Tsukuba Orientation
+Tsukuba Wiki

Support AT

+Advertise on AT
+Buy AT stuff
+Donate to AT
+Submit an article
+Take a survey
+Volunteer

For Staff

+AT Workspace

Contact

+Contact us


Redefining Words

Author:Author unknown, Issue: September 2000, Topic: Humour

A Bit Of Humor For The September Doldrums

The Washington Post recently published a contest for readers in which they were asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. The following were some of the winning entries:

  • Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach
  • Carcinoma (n.), a valley in California, notable for its heavy smog
  • Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk
  • Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent
  • Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained
  • Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightie
  • Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp
  • Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash
  • Bustard (n.), a very rude Metrobus driver
  • Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon
  • Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller
  • Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline
  • Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam
  • Semantics (n.), pranks conducted by young men studying for the priesthood, including such things as gluing the pages of the priest's prayer book together just before vespers
  • Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you
  • Marionettes (n.), residents of Washington, D.C. who have been jerked around by the mayor
  • Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions
  • Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts
  • Frisbatarianism (n.), the belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there

The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are some recent winners:

  • Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the reader who doesn't get it
  • Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly
  • Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very high
  • Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of obtaining sex
  • Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously
  • Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease
  • Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like a serious bummer.
  • Glibido: All talk and no action
  • Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly
  • Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

<< Of Slippers and Men | Master Index | Medical Terminology for the Laymen >>


The International Women's Network (IWN) is a group of women who enjoy chatting with people from all over the world. We hold a monthly potluck dinner where we exchange information about the local community while eating a variety of foods. No reservation is needed to attend the potluck. Just bring one dish of food and show up at the meeting. Newcomers are always welcome! Take advantage of this unique opportunity to enjoy the international city of Tsukuba with us!

See our website

Alien Times Sponsors

The advertisements that appear on paper and online versions of The Alien Times do not necessarily represent the views of the Alien Times. The Alien Times takes no responsibility for any transactions that occur between advertisers and readers.


The authors of articles that appear in Alien Times reserve the right to copyright their work. Please DO NOT copy any articles that appear in Alien Times without first receiving permission from the author of the article (when known) or the Alien Times Editor.

Funded by the Tsukuba Expo'85 Memorial Foundation, Printed by Isebu

Sponsors