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The More Things Change

Author:Author unknown, Issue: November 1999, Topic: Humour

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Wife 1.0 interferes with all other programs and launches unexpectedly during system initialization, where it monitors all system activity.

Applications such as Poker night 4.3, Drunken Boys Night 2.5 and Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.

I cannot seem to minimize Wife 1.0 and keep it in the background while attempting to run some of my other favorite applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall seems risky with this program.

Can you help me, please!!! Thanks, Joe

Dear Joe:

This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a "UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT" program.

Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and stili convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0, so nothing is gained.

It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this.

Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system. Look in your manual under "Warnings - Alimony/Child Support." I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFS). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur, regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be to enter the command: C:/APOLOGIZE.

In any case avoid excessive use of the "Esc" key because ultimately you will have to execute the APOLOGIZE command anyway before the operating system will return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but can, in some cases, be high maintenance.

Additional software designed to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is available in some stores. l recommend Flowers 2.1, Chocolates 5.0., Jewelry 4.0, or Romantic Weekend 1.0.

ShortSkirtSecretary 3.3, at first glance, looks like a good supplement to Wife 1.0, but it is NOT compatible with Wife 1.0 and has, in every case that it has been tried, caused irreversible damage to the operating system. In addition, ShortSkirtSecretary 3.3 is considerably more expensive than the price on the box would indicate.

Many people find that over time, if you just stick with Wife 1.0 and work through the glitches, there is no other package that compares.

Best of luck, Tech Support

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