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Alternative Meanings

Author:Author unknown, Issue: October 1999, Topic: Humour

The Washington Post recently had a contest for readers in which they were asked to supply possible alternate meanings for various words. The following were some winning entries:

  • Abdicate-v., to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
  • Carcinoma-n., a valley in California, most notable for its heavy smog.
  • Esplanade-v., to attempt an explanation while drunk. Willy-nilly-adj., impotent.
  • Flabbergasted-adj., appalled over how much weight you have gained.
  • Negligent-adj., a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
  • Lymph-v., to walk with a lisp.
  • Gargoyle-n., an olive-flavored mouthwash.
  • Bustard-n., a very rude Metrobus driver.
  • Coffee-n., a person who is coughed upon.
  • Flatulence-n., the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
  • Balderdash-n., a rapidly receding hairline.
  • Testicle-n., a humorous question on an exam.
  • Semantics-n., pranks conducted by young men studying for the priesthood, including such things as gluing the pages of the priest's prayer book together just before vespers.
  • Rectitude-n., the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
  • Marionettes-n., residents of Washington who have been jerked around by the mayor.
  • Oyster-n., a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
  • Circumvent-n., the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
  • Frisbatarianism-n., Belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

<>*<> NEWS FLASH! . . . ALERT! <>*<>

This just in: Microsoft has delayed the release of Windows 2000. It will be released in 1901.

<< Construction on New Joban Line to Begin in Tsukuba This Year | Master Index | Telecommunications Confusion >>

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