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Things That Make You Go Hmmm...

Author:Author unknown, Issue: March 1999, Topic: Humour

  1. Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
  2. Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
  3. Can I yell "movie" in a crowded firehouse?
  4. Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
  5. How do a fool and his money GET together?
  6. How do you know when its time to tune your bagpipes?
  7. How is it that a building burns up as it burns down?
  8. If a train station is where the train stops, what is a work station?
  9. If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan?
  10. If the pen is mightier than the sword, and a picture is worth a thousand words, how dangerous is a fax?
  11. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
  12. If you throw a cat out the car window, does it become kitty litter?
  13. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
  14. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
  15. Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds" fee on money they already know you don't have?
  16. Why do they put Braille on the drive through bank machines?
  17. Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
  18. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
  19. When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting here, staring at carpeting?
  20. If you get cheated by the Better Business Bureau, who do you complain to?
  21. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
  22. Why is it that you must wait until night to call it a day?
  23. Why is it that night falls but day breaks?
  24. After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?
  25. In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?
  26. Did Washington flash a quarter when asked for his ID?
  27. How come there aren't B batteries?
  28. If the post office has machines that can sort snail mail at 1000's of times per minute, then why do they give it to a little old man on a bike to deliver?
  29. How do "Do not walk on the grass" signs get there?
  30. Why do black olives come in cans and green olives come in jars?
  31. Is a metaphor like a simile?
  32. Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
  33. If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
  34. How is it possible to have a civil war?
  35. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
  36. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
  37. If the #2 pencil is so popular, why is it still #2?
  38. If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
  39. Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
  40. If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?
  41. Could crop circles be the work of a cereal killer?
  42. Crime doesn't pay...does that mean that my job is a crime?
  43. Did Noah keep his bees in archives?
  44. How can there be self-help "groups"?
  45. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
  46. How do you know that honesty is the best policy until you have tried some of the others?
  47. How do you throw away a garbage can?
  48. Why do we kill people for killing people to show that killing people is wrong?
  49. How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
  50. Why do tourists go to the tops of tall buildings and then put money into telescopes so they can see things on the ground close-up?
  51. If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
  52. If Superman is so smart, then why does he wear his underpants on the outside of his trousers?
  53. Why is it that bullets ricochet off of Superman's chest, but he ducks when the gun is thrown at him?
  54. What happens to an 18 hour bra after 18 hours?
  55. Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
  56. Why do hot dogs come 10 to a package and hot dog buns only 8?
  57. What if the Hokey Pokey IS what it's all about?

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